35 weeks pregnant at 35 years old

(Note to self: do your belly shot at the beginning of the day, before the heat and exhaustion catch up with you and show on your face.)


**Many thanks to the Mothering message boards for some of these great ideas**

You know you're in the third trimester when...

You notice small pieces of toddler-related debris on your floor, but UGH...it's just not worth bending over for the tiny stuff. Cheerio, I guess you'll be there until September.

Getting out of bed is a five minute process requiring the courage of a Warrior, or at least a Hero (but those are getting scarce in these parts).

There is no longer a difference between waddling and walking. You're just happy you can motate (but you do hope no one is watching).

You commandeer the children's new pool. And still feel hot.

You push feet out of your ribs on a regular basis.

You're contemplating seeing your chiropractor three times a week.

Getting up off the floor requires crawling towards the nearest piece of sturdy furniture and a prayer.

Your husband feels so sorry for you he hired you a cleaning lady.

Washing the kids' hair in the bathtub feels like an aerobic work out.

You have to sit down to get dressed because you can no longer stand on one foot.

Your belly moves around independently of its owner.

You can no longer sit in some booths.

In too soft of chairs, your belly is actually sitting on your lap.

You have to take photographic proof for your out-of-town aunt that you actually still have a lap.


Every time you pass the restroom, you shrug and say to yourself, "Eh, I may as well..."

You stand in front of your closet and its dwindling supply of clothes that still fit and wonder "Do I really have to get dressed AGAIN today?"

You are low energy, and high grumpy.

You wonder whose crazy idea it was to plan a birthday party on Sunday for 40ish people at nine months pregnant, and then remember, "oh yeah, mine."

You lie there for 10 minutes planning how you're going to roll over, knowing your sacrum will pop excruciatingly, before you actually work up the nerve to do it.

You always ask the children to pick up anything from the floor that needs picking up because to do it yourself would require just too much effort.

You misplace your toddler. Then you feel a bump on your leg. Turns out he was under your belly the entire time.